Why Did I Stay In A Psychologically Abusive Relationship For So Long?

February 1, 2021

Sadly, the question presented in the title is asked by many people every day. If you are one of them, remember that you are not the only person who ended up in this situation.

At some point in their lives, everyone has to cope with some sort of psychological trauma from the past. Loss of a close relative or being in an abusive relationship are only a few examples of the experiences that can stay with us for the rest of our lives.

No matter what happened to you, always keep in mind that the world is full of helpful people. Do not be afraid to reach out to them in your time of need.

In this article, you will find helpful advice on how you can tackle obstacles that you may find on your way out of the toxic relationship. Additionally, you will see why people are often stuck in a problematic relationship they would like to leave behind.

Worrying About Legal Issues

When faced with a choice to stay in an abusive relationship or leave, many people decide to bite the bullet. Why? Because the change seems much more painful to them — at least from the legal standpoint.

You may worry about who gets to stay in the house with the kids or when the other person will need to move out. These are all reasonable concerns.

However, if you feel like the relationship you are in is unhealthy for you, you should act before it is too late.

Do not be afraid to contact a lawyer. Additionally, you can gain some advice online regarding the divorce paperwork, and other aspects of the procedure.

For example, the writers at Survive Divorce can give you some compassionate guidance. With their help, you can get out of your troubling situation much more comfortably.

Seeing No Other Options

Why do people stay in abusive relationships? Usually, it is because they were told there is no option to leave.

By asking questions like “What are you going to do without me?” or “How will you manage on your own?” the abusive person in the relationship makes their significant other fear the unknown. It can prove to be a very effective way of keeping someone close.

After all, when we think about our future, we can envision all sorts of obstacles along the way. So many things can go wrong.

Unfortunately, this kind of thinking hampers our ability to act rationally. Simply put, we do not wish to leave our comfort zone (even when it is not so comfortable) because there is some ominous danger lurking “out there.”

Consequently, we stop striving for new experiences and changing things. Change becomes equally dangerous as a crisis. Therefore, we try to hang on to what we already have.

Try to think about the future with a more positive attitude. Change is not an inherently bad thing, and when you open yourself to it, other options will look more realistic and positive.

Blaming Yourself

Playing the blame game can often result in you somehow ending up responsible for all the bad things in your relationship. In consequence, it can significantly damage your self-esteem.

Keep in mind that maintaining healthy relations with your significant other is not only your burden to carry. As the saying goes, communication is a two-way street.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with acknowledging your shortcomings. However, if you let others blame you every time, you also quietly admit that you need the other person to take care of you and correct your mistakes.

This way, the control they exert over you will go unnoticed. Instead, everything will be kept under the coat of love and care. However, is constraint a thing we associate with love?

Consider listing the positive things you have done to other people. How did you improve the lives of others? What responsibilities do you carry, and how do you deal with them? What goals have you accomplished?

You may be surprised to learn how much good you have brought to this world already. Try to build up your confidence by focusing on these small successes.

The Bottom Line

Everyone is susceptible to emotional and psychological abuse. Never think that it is your fault that you have found yourself in a relationship with an abusive person.

Nevertheless, when you feel that you cannot deal with this challenging situation on your own, seek out some emotional support from your friends and family. Do not close yourself to others who try to help you.

Additionally, before you fully commit yourself to some relationship, search for all the red flags possible. It is always better to prevent something from happening than to deal with the consequences.

Make sure to take care of yourself, and everything should be fine. Good luck!

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