Sponsored Love: The Harmful Coping Mechanisms That Are Praised In Society

Many people within society are rewarded for their hard work and determination in life.

While that is great to recognize in individuals, it can often be those kinds of behaviors that are slowly damaging mental health. It can be difficult to then let that status slip, as a person may be seen as weak or incapable. Unfortunately, working hard isn’t just the only thing that is praised, but can secretly be harming you in the background. There are many actions, habits, and behaviors within society that look good, strong, and responsible, but are actually very harmful. 

The issue with coping mechanisms in society

A big issue is that not all coping mechanisms look unhealthy on the outside or are easily spotted. Some may actually look impressive from the outside looking in. People can appear emotionally controlled, disciplined, or mature. The behaviors may earn praise from partners, managers, friends, family, and even some mental health narratives that prioritize resilience and “pushing through” over honesty and facing challenges. 

Handling things alone, not getting involved in anything, always being the calm one, working more than 60 hours per week, and so on. These are just some of the examples that, within society, are seen as professional and strong. However, underneath these kinds of coping mechanisms, people are severely anxious, burning out, disconnecting from themselves, leaning on drugs and alcohol as a crutch, and isolating themselves from friends and family.

Somewhere along the lines, these coping mechanisms were adopted to protect and help a person survive. Unfortunately, they are not healthy or long-term coping strategies. They benefit society, but not the individual. 

Why are coping mechanisms adopted in the first place?

Coping mechanisms don’t just appear; they are learned somewhere in life due to a situation. They are known as adaptive responses, which can be learned as a result of fear, pressure, unmet needs, trauma, and so on. Most people are not consciously choosing them; they have been learned and developed over time in a specific environment. 

When a person begins to learn a new behavior to respond to something, they quickly learn which ones are punished and which ones are rewarded. When a behavior is rewarded, it is often the one that is then reinforced. 

Within society, there is a deep pattern of vulnerability earning dismissal, independence earning praise, calmness and emotional restraint earning respect, and productivity earning approval. These learned ways of coping shape how a person manages their emotions and their stress. It isn’t that someone doesn’t know better, but these behaviors once served a purpose. 

Overworking 

Working long and excessive hours is one of the most highly rewarded coping mechanisms in society today. Working more than 60 hours per week and being a hustler has become the norm. Not to mention, with technology and social media, there is now an additional layer of being constantly available. People are not giving themselves time to switch off, and the exhaustion as a result of this is often seen as success. 

However, what is extremely harmful about overworking is that it can lead to burnout, and it becomes your only source of regulation. If you need a distraction, if you feel anxious, if you need to feel valuable, or avoid difficult emotions, work is what you turn to. 

When you work excessively, your nervous system can become overloaded, and you can be chronically anxious. This will be felt physically, mentally, and emotionally, and you will probably find yourself very irritable, tired, reactive, and struggle with things like digestion, as anxiety is a full-body response. Overworking can also prevent you from dealing with hard things and properly processing your emotions, increase your risk of depression and burnout, and impact your identity outside of being productive. 

If this is something that you struggle with, it can be helpful to first identify that this is your way of coping and what the current impact is. There are many reputable anxiety therapists that you can turn to for support and help you to learn better ways to cope. It isn’t just about not working as much, but managing the resulting anxiety, redefining how you view rest and productivity, setting boundaries, working on your identity outside of work, and much more. 

Staying strong

It has become the norm within society to suppress your emotions and stay strong. When you do this, it is seen as resilience, calmness, maturity, professionalism, and more. Not only can this coping mechanism be reinforced through praise, but also through criticism. If you are constantly criticised for being weak, being a burden, or were taught these things as a child, then you are going to learn to suppress things. 

Emotional suppression can often be a result of unsafe relationships, trauma, stress, and anxiety. The silence may have been learned as a protective mechanism if the expression of help or of emotions lead to some kind of punishment or rejection. Suppressing keeps other people comfortable. 

This is bad, as expressing the full range of emotions is a normal and human thing to do. Without healthy expression, it can lead to anxiety and bodily symptoms, emotional numbness, dissociation, poor nervous system regulation, and a disconnection from self and others. 

Emotional suppression can be hard to overcome, but it is essential to your well-being. Learning how to name and label emotions before sharing them externally can be helpful, as well as slowly trying to express your emotions in a safe and controlled environment to begin with. Learn emotional literacy and how to reframe expression as communication and a human need, not a weakness. 

Hyper independence 

People who do things alone and are self-sufficient are often admired. Asking for help is just not something you do. This is typically developed in people who learned that help is a sign of weakness, conditional, unreliable, or unsafe. It is better to only rely on yourself, regardless of how exhausting it may be. 

Hyperindependence is harmful as it isolates you from others and makes you feel lonely. It then increases the anxiety you feel around any kind of vulnerability or support, and prevents you from being authentic and co-regulating. 

You can begin to change this with small, low-risk requests for support from people that you trust. Reframing can be particularly helpful, so you can view help as collaboration, rather than a weakness. 

The most harmful coping mechanisms are the ones that are difficult to question and change because they look like success on the outside. The first step to change is awareness.